Everything Carries Me To You

It’s 3:02 A.M. Wednesday, March 29, 2017. Outside, there is a soothing and beautiful thunderstorm passing through. My patio door is open and I am listening to the rain fall. Every time it rains, I think of you.

Most other days my mind is occupied with a million other things that are not you. Every morning, I wake up grateful for another day of life. I start my days with daily prayer and meditation. Some days you are still in my prayers, other days, you are not. All I really wish upon you is health, happiness and prosperity. Nothing less.

I’ve been wonderful, in case you ever wondered. Life is good.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching. I have experienced growth, peace, and currently, I am still healing with each passing day. I don’t think of you every day anymore. I’m finally able to wake up and go to sleep without you being the first and the last person I think of each day. Regardless of this, however, I do still miss you.

Sometimes, I share stories about you, as if you were still ever so present in my life. It’s odd, but everything carries me to you.

Every time I have a meal that I know you would enjoy, I think of you. When I am watering my blooms, I think of you. When I smell shrimp, I think of that time that you gifted me some roses that smelled like them. I’ll have to blog about that later.

I used to get angry when I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Now, I just smile and wish you well.

I was in Taos, New Mexico recently, and everything there reminded me of you. I saw a street named Chavez, another named Luna, I went to a spa named Ojo Caliente, like the street that you grew up on. Even the moon and the stars over the mountains gazing down at us reminded me of you. You would have enjoyed the scenery.

I smelt you the other night, while I was taking a bath. It was the weirdest thing.

I haven’t dreamt of you in while but I am always dreaming…

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Oh, brother!

Hey friends! How is everyone doing out there? My day has been a little hectic work wise, but absolutely fun in general. I always say that any day above ground is a good one. So if anything, rejoice in that.

You are here, you are alive and if you are not well, remember that you are here for a reason. You are someone’s pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! BESOS!

I know I have been missing in action here recently, but I was on holiday and enjoying my Spring Break! I’ll share more about my travels here, later. Today, I wanted to share a little bit more about me so that those of you who have never actually met me can get to know me a little better. Aside from the fact that I am Latina, 31, fearless and now divorced, I wanted to share something about my person.

I am many, many things, but one thing I am not always is a lady! haha 

You see, growing up in a Mexican family, with like 20 kids (7—really, 4 boys and 3 girls) there are soooo many things that you encounter. People are all over the damn place, there’s all kinds of fights and fun times, it’s quite the experience! Even now as an adult, there are more damn people, fights and fun times. We are like the Kardashians times a thousand without all the fame, $ and scandals. Well, maybe some scandals, but we are the absolute closest, tight-nit family. We may not be rich, but we are most definitely rich in the things that actually count – like LOVE.

I am the baby in the family and well we all know that the babies are the absolute fav! hehe I am the youngest of 4 boys and 3 girls. My two eldest siblings are my sisters, then a set of twin boys, two other brothers and then me. & when I tell you that there was never a dull moment, I mean it.

To this day, not a day goes by that something hilariously funny, dramatic or serious goes on in our family. We support each other 100%, no matter what, even when we dislike each other. We don’t hold our tongues, we are not shy and we definitely all defend each other like beasts. I seriously feel like I grew up in the best family. I realize all families have their dramas and unfortunate situations but my family has endured so much adversity. We have overcome some rough hardships but we still stand strong. It is absolutely amazing! I’ll share more stories about that at a later time.

Today, however, I wanted to blog about how I became the “Lil’Bro” of the fam. You see, aside from attempting to be a classy, sophisticated lady, sometimes I gets down and dirty. I am truly a tomboy at heart. I’m not a fashionista or make-up guru. I like trucks and fast cars. I know how to change my own tires, oil, battery and spark plugs to my own vehicle; and if I ever needed a jump start, I carry cables in my car! Sometimes I burp out loud, I definitely don’t like housework and I will literally fight a dude, if I had too. I’ve done it before, back in my wild days. I mean, seriously I grew up with 4 brothers!!!

They taught me mostly everything I know about life. We used to beat each other up, we tackled each other and I am the only sister they invite to “bros” nights. They always joke about how I am such a dude. So, naturally they nick named me “Lil’ Bro”. The girly part of me hates that, but I just laugh because they could not be more accurate. I am so the type of girl that prefers to not wake up at 5am to get glammed up for work. Most days I wear heels, because I love them, but I also love to wear my scuffed up cowboy boots, jeans, a good ol’ tee and a baseball cap!

I have grown to be quite the interesting concoction of a young lady, if I do say so myself.

I realize every day how absolutely blessed I am to have grown up in my family. We are not perfect, but we love each other deeply. When any of us are in despair, we all feel it. We uplift and encourage each other. We pray for each other and believe in one another. Nothing in the world is better than family. Even when things are not always rainbows and butterflies.

My sisters and I are super close too, but I could never relate to them growing up, as the youngest. By the time I was 8, both sisters were already out of the house. I spent most of my time with my brothers. Now, as a divorcée, I appreciate that a thousand times more. Being raised by my brothers, helped me to be an independent, sometimes stubborn but a very strong-minded individual. They have taught me chivalry, strength, patience and of course, how to kick some ass! Being a tomboy has really helped me deal with my heartbreak too, because I process the whole situation in a different manner. I definitely see the girly side of it and being a super emotional drama queen about it but I also take the more laxed and chilled approach to it too.

Guys handle conflicts and emotional distress in a very different manner than we women do. When I get to talk to my brothers about my heartache, they are so quick to prove to me how ridiculously over-analytical I am on so many levels and they remind me that regardless of my situation, I am much stronger than I think I am. They don’t forget that I am a woman and even though they call me “Lil’Bro” they also remind me of how proud they are to have a little sister that can take care of herself without a man around. They have also pointed out where I need to make some more “womanly adjustments” to help my next man, not feel so intimidated by me!

If there is one thing divorce reminds you of, it is where you have fallen short on some of your responsibilities. Although O and I were never a perfect marriage, I do see now, that there were some things that I could have handled differently. The last thing I will share that my brothers have taught me is that as much as men want to be manly, they are definitely more womanly than they think! They too, just want to be cherished, respected and loved.

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