Love is Attentive

The very first time that Obed and I ever had an argument, I was out of town. We were on the phone and I was having 2 conversations at the same time. I was with one of my besties and as I was speaking to Obed, I kept engaging in conversation with her too. Obed was not particularly fond of me continuing a conversation while I had him on the line. In the moment I thought, he was overreacting. I could not understand what the big deal was.

However, once we discussed his feelings about the situation, I understood why he was bothered. In our entire relationship, time was always working against us. Every moment was important to him. I remember him telling me, that he would rather me let him go and call him back later than for him to be sitting on the line in silence, listening to me engage in conversation with someone else. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, but now I understand the rules of phone etiquette much better.

It is rude to not give the person on the phone your undivided attention. It is also rude to answer the phone in the presence of others in certain scenarios. In this particular situation, Obed and I were newly dating. My bestie and I were on a road trip and he was calling to check on me. I answered his call and continued to chat it up with her while I had him on the phone. He was on his break at work and he didn’t have much time to chat but he made it a point to call and make sure we had made it safe to our destination. From that point forward, it was always an issue when I did not give him my undivided attention and rightfully so.

I always felt like he was just finding something to complain about, but as I matured I understood why it was bothersome to him. When I spoke to him and he would put me on hold for literally 5 seconds, I would get frustrated. It was a double standard. I always expected him to give me his undivided attention but I wouldn’t do the same for him. It may seem like something so trivial, but there is an important lesson here. RESPECT.

Now I am not saying that you can’t say, “Hey can you hold on one second? I have to do X Y Z…” I am simply stating that when we engage in conversation with others, we have to be mindful of the attention we are giving them. It’s ok to say, “Hey, I am right in the middle of something, can I call you right back?” instead of acting as if you have time for someone, when you really don’t. Right now, we are living in a world where everyone is constantly on their cells, we do a million different things at once and completely disregard how we share our time and space with others. That is something I learned in my own marriage and about my own actions.

While O and I were married, we made it a point to put away our phones when we were together. Unless of course we had some selfie action going on, that was always fair game! Now, that I am single and go on the occasional date here and there, I make it a point to put my phone away. We should be mindful of sharing our time and space with others and remember to be fully present. I know for me personally, if I am with a guy and he is constantly on his phone it is a huge turn off. It definitely decreases his chances of hanging out with me again.

When in company, I try my best to make it a point to be completely present and give that person or group of people my undivided attention. There is something very sweet and thoughtful about it. It means this person is engaging and is fully committed to making the most out of your time together. Quality time is what they call it, right? In a world full of social media – sometimes, it’s nice to just be present in the moment and not always try to capture everything. Another thing I learned from Obed. This is a guy that literally never took selfies, unless he was with me. He didn’t have any social media accounts and I honestly loved that about him too.

All this, just to share my thoughts on phone etiquette and how we can express our respect and love for others by being attentive.

When you are spending time with others, be present, be attentive and be mindful of their time.

Lessons learned.

 

 

 

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Gratitude, Beauty & Lashes

Well hello again friends! How is everyone doing out there? Are you happy to be entering into February? I know I am! There is a lot to be thankful about as this month comes to an end. How many of you made New Year resolutions? Are you staying on track? I honestly am not a resolution person, but I do believe in goal setting. My main goal for this month was to stay rooted in the Word. I have been very intentional about seeking more of God and spending time with Him, each day, preferably in the mornings, as I enjoy the sunrise. There is something so serene about waking up at dawn and spending some quiet time with the Lord. It helps set the tone for my day and allows me to view my life from a place of gratitude.

So today or tonight, when ever you read this, I want to challenge you today to just take a moment, take one deep breath and visualize what you are most grateful for in this day. Then do it again tomorrow, and again the next day. I promise you, your days – no matter how good or bad they are, you will always be able to find something to be grateful for. Try it!

To catch you up on how I am doing: I am in-love with this super cool, exciting place I am in right now in my life. Every year, I try to choose a word that sets a theme for my life in this new year. This year, I chose the word RENEW. If you have been following my blog for some time now, this may not come as a surprise to you. I have been through the most challenging yet rewarding time of my life with my divorce. Through it, I discovered so much about myself and I have grown from my experience into a whole, unique and new person. It is amazing how God transforms us, especially through our brokenness.

These past two years, as I have been dealing with unresolved issues, working my way through my own guilt and shame about what transpired in my marriage and divorce. It has been a season of pruning and restoration. God has renewed spirit and mended me. I learned so much about what it means to be at peace in my solitude and how to find comfort in the Lord instead of things or people. Granted, there were a ton of wonderful people that prayed over me and encouraged me along the way too. However, God is healer.

I’ve found so much beauty in the ashes. Right when I thought the worst of my life and couldn’t see the light in the darkness, God was there. What is most exciting though about my journey, is not just the healing and growth that has taken place, but the fact that I am able to live out some of my most wildest dreams. I’m doing things that I love. I am encouraging others in the same ways that people comforted me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many “divorce talks” I have had, with people entering the same season I once found myself in, and the hope I am able to share with them about what God can do through the pain. It is pretty incredible to be able to see God use my testimony for His glory.

Aside from that, I have also been presented with so many cool and fun opportunities to do more of the things that I love. I’m learning music, I am singing more, I’m drawing and painting, I am writing, I’m part of a book club…

There is literally just so much goodness in my life, it is pretty hard to focus on anything else but that. Even on my worst days, my life is pretty peachy! My life is well-rounded right now. I won’t say that I don’t miss having a companion, because there are times that I do. More than anything though, I am just excited to see how God continues to use me, make me and mold me.

Lastly, I want to share how bomb Lash Boost is! Y’all this stuff seriously works!!!! I previously reported, here, about an opportunity I had to be a product tester for a sweet friend of mine. She sells R + F Products (Rodan + Fields) and I had been very much impressed with the results she kept posting about her lashes and I just knew I needed to get my hands on it. Sure enough, we worked out a little deal and wala – guess who has gorgeous lashes now? Yup! I sure do. If you are interested in purchasing some product or learning more about R + F, reach out to my friend here. You won’t regret it.

 

Well gals, that is it for now. I’ll type y’all later!

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Lonesome Dove, NYE + Aspirations

Happy New Year! 2018 is here y’all!

This is going to be a year of great challenges and great reward. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me.  In case you didn’t already know, I am going on a missions trip this year. I leave August 2018 to embark on this incredible journey, with complete strangers to go love and serve people. The World Race is an 11 month mission trip to 11 different countries around the world to help people in their communities, with whatever their need is, but most importantly sharing the love of God. Cool huh?

Aside from that, I am also just excited because for whatever reason, even though it’s just another day, it’s January 5, 2018 and it is the beginning of a new year and endless possibilities. In reality, however, every day is filled with the exact same possibilities, but we choose to resolve to do things because the “New Year” somehow represents a “New Beginning”. Ha

Plus it’s fun to just take a look back on your life, reflect and look ahead to the future with hope that we are achieving our life purpose…

Or at least I do.

How is everyone tho? Did y’all make any new year resolutions? I honestly am not a fan of making resolutions in particular, I just try to be better every single day.

I rang in the new year all by lonesome with my gato (cat) at home. We watched fireworks from my balcony and it was very peaceful and wonderful way to celebrate the new year. Earlier that night, I joined some friends for dinner celebrating one of my besties birthdays at Lonesome Dove in Ft. Worth. It was fantastic. Food was amazing and they offered a 5 course NYE meal. We had a wonderful time.

As far as my healing journey goes – I can say with confidence that I am much better than I ever have been. If I am resolving to do anything this year, it is just to be more open to receive whatever the Lord has for me. I want to be more kind, not just to myself, but to others. My wish is to be more like Jesus, and less like me. I want to be love and be light in the lives of others.

What about y’all? What are your goals and aspirations for the new year? Oh and this time, I promise to be a much better blogger! Ha

¡Feliz año nuevo!

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God Heals All Wounds

In 10 days, I will be divorced two (2) whole years. Time has surely flown by. It has grown me, taught me and most of all healed me in many ways. They say that time heals all wounds – but I have to be honest and say that I am not sure that time truly does. I think God does.

Time allows for healing, but God – He is the real healer and deliverer.

I’ve been on quite the journey since Obed and I parted ways. In the 2 years we have been divorced, we have remained in contact for most of the time and although it likely doesn’t seem ideal to most, I don’t expect people to understand my story or my relationship with Obed. I haven’t seen him since we divorced but I know he is doing well. I don’t like to call him a friend, but he is one.

There have been times in my healing journey where I have struggled with whether or not I should even be in contact with him at all. My flesh says no – but my spirit says different.  I’ve had numerous conversations with God about my relationship with Obed. Every time I am ready to cut ties completely, God tells me no.

I am called to be obedient and that is what I will do. Even if it doesn’t make sense to me or anyone else for that matter.

I know the logical answer to everyone is that I should not be in contact with my ex-husband. The deal is that there are some things that no one will ever understand about our marriage or divorce. I’ve often told you all before via blogging, how great great of a man Obed was and still is. It is not my place to speak ill of him. Was he always a stand up guy? No. He wasn’t. In fact, Obed hurt me in a lot of ways. He was dishonest, he didn’t take up for me in times when he should have, he put his work before his marriage, he made time for others when he didn’t make time for his own wife. I could go on and on, but all of that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is the fact that I experienced love and loss and it helped me gain strength and wisdom in so many areas of my life. I have stepped out in faith to pursue things that I had only ever dreamed of in the past. I began to look at my life very differently and came into an understanding of not just the areas that Obed failed as a husband and leader but also where I fell short. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Divorce is not, but you can still find beauty in the remnants of what is broken.

People always ask me if I am dating or if I am ready to be in a relationship again and to be honest, I would be lying if I said that I am ready to move on and make a life with someone. Right now, that is so far from my focus. The only relationship I want in my life at this moment is the relationship I have with Christ. I am still in a place of healing and transformation. God has been so faithful and so quick to pursue me. My happiness, my joy and my strength all come from Him.

Even after 2 years, there are times I still feel a little low, but I am not crying myself to sleep anymore. I am not wondering about what Obed is up to or if he is moving on. I try to keep my focus on what I do have rather than what I don’t. It helps to remain focused on God’s grace and how much He loves and cares for me. If I cry now, it is not because I am hurting, it is because I am healing! It is because, 2 years later, I can reflect back on my life and see how far God has brought me. His love remains and will never abandon me.

Marriage taught me a lot of wonderful things and I have some amazing memories, that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Divorce, despite being a negative thing, was the best worst thing that could have ever happened to me.

Moving forward, I know now, that I am exactly where God needs me to be. I am still growing and learning from my past mistakes but most of all, I am making progress and healing a little more with each passing day. I am a different person now.  Now, I can understand, why this divorce was for me and why it needed to happen.  I needed God to rescue me and break my heart for what breaks His.

In the words of Beth Moore, “I am better off healed, than I ever was unbroken.”

 

 

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Sweet November, Sweet Opportunities

Yo! It’s me again…and I am a day late on the blog post! Haha However,

Happy November Friends!

Still starting the month off right with a new blog post! YAY! Aren’t y’all proud? Ha

First off, how is everyone? I am fan-freaking-tastic! Y’all seriously have no idea all the goodness going on in my life right now. It’s. Un. Real. Haha

To say that God is good, is literally just an understatement. He is amazing! Glory, Glory, Glory!

Now, let’s move along to the cool news I wanted to share. Pay attention now ladies! Ha Several good things to share!

Okay, so all women want to be flawless and fabulous, am I right? Well lucky for me, I’m partnering up with a good friend of mine that is a Rodan + Fields (R+F) consultant. We’ve been friends for many years and she is truly the sweetest! (Hey Beli!) Well Belinda and I had been chatting for a while about me getting some product from her and she had given me samples here and there but I wasn’t really ever in a position to place an order.

That being said, Beli had this brilliant idea that I could be a product tester for her. I give an honest review of the product and get her some new business and I get free product to review! Isn’t that fun? She made the proposition and I jumped all over it. Especially since she is letting me test and review the one product I had been dying to get my hands on…Lash Boost!

Have y’all seen the results from that? Geez! Lashes on fleek or whatever! I mean who needs lash extensions!?! Ha For real though y’all. I’m honestly super excited about using this product.

Please be sure to follow along, so y’all can see my results!

If you have never heard of R + F, you you can browse online or place an order here.

Help my sista Beli out in growing her business and you’ll help me grow my lashes! Ha

Aside from preparing for a life in missions and getting fab lashes…I also want to share with y’all some more exciting news…

Yo girl, done got herself a writing gig! Woop! Woop!

Seriously y’all! A legit writing gig! I’m like gonna be an author and stuff! Haha Well kinda. It’s a ghost writing opportunity that has been presented to me and it’s gonna pay me some big bucks! Cha-ching!

Is that not the coolest thing ever? I can’t even wrap my head around this. Do y’all even understand what is happening here? Like my dreams are just coming true! I mean, one step at a time, but things are really happening. It’s so legit.

It will be a memoir on this very interesting life of a very cool Dallas businessman. We’ve been meeting regularly and brainstorming things. This weekend, we will create an outline and timeline for this project, so I can get to work!

No real idea of when this will all come to fruition but it’s happening! Eeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!

I’ve always had a passion for writing. One of my life goals is to be a published author. I remember when I was in 4th grade and we would have to write stories I always got 4’s on all my papers. 4 being the best possible rating of course! I’ve just always had this knack for writing and I love it. There is something super spectacular about putting your words to paper or print that just does something magical. Words are so powerful. There is also freedom in expression and that is what truly makes writing so beautiful.

Needless to say, I am super stoked about this writing opportunity. Just another stepping stone to where I want to be and the things I want to accomplish in my life.

What about you? Is there anything super exciting going on in your life right now?

I really can’t even begin to tell y’all how awesome it feels to be living out some of my wildest dreams. & this is just the tip of the iceberg…

More to come. Stay tuned. Love y’all and thanks for following along and sticking around. Besitos! XO

 

 

 

 

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Boo! hahaha

Y’all! I suck at being a blogger. Ain’t no damn way I am about to become a famous blogger only blogging once a month. This chit is for the birds! Ha SMH.

Here’s the deal though…there is just so much going on in my life and I am not even a mom! Well… I can certainly beg to differ, now that I am a CAT MOM! Ha ha I haven’t even had time to post about my freaking pet! He’s the coolest cat tho, for real y’all!

I am just in this weird place right now. I mean, like there is so much goodness going on in my life but yet, it’s like I have not been focused lately. I’ve let things distract me from goal crushing and this has got to stop!

I am still enjoying my singleness and most definitely enjoying my pet, Simba Amaru “Pac” Verduzco. He is awesome y’all. He wakes me up at 5am, no alarm necessary! He’s super chill but crazy at times too. We have very similar personalities! Ha

I’ve haven’t been sleeping in my hammock lately either. I’ve just not been with it y’all! I know it’s a heart thing though. I’ve been so consumed by the day to day things that I haven’t taken the time to be still. I feel disconnected from God, but not because He isn’t showing up or showing out in my life, I have just been in this funk. I haven’t been intentional in my relationship with Him. I’ve gotta get it together. I’m sorry y’all.

So – aside from Pac coming into my life, I also haven’t dedicated a blog to my impending missions trip – THE WORLD RACE. If you didn’t know already – well now you know! & you can follow and subscribe to that blog here. I am taking a year long mission trip y’all to 11 different countries, in 11 months! EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!! I am so super excited and cannot wait to launch. I don’t have an official date yet, but I know it will be sometime in August, 2018.

If you are wondering why on Earth I would want to dedicate my life to missions – well the answer to that is “why not?” Now is the best time in my life to be bold and courageous. I have also felt some conviction from God to pursue this calling on my life in this new season. Unexplained convictions that can only come from God.

I will say though, that life has been good. So now that the cat’s out the bag (& out of Mexico too) be looking forward to more blog posts about my adventures with Pac and preparing for my missions trip! Haha

Oh yes, and one more thing…

I have some super cool news to share with y’all tomorrow! YAY!

 

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Keeping Up With Annie

OK— so I obviously suck at this blogging-on-the-regular thing! Sorry folks! Horrible, I know. Quick update on where I am right now – still single, still enjoying myself and still ballin’! ha ha I am back to Ubering and Lyfting again. I am cooking more, I sleep on my balcony in my hammock most nights and I have also decided something major in my life, but I am not going to share with you just yet (still building suspense). Oh yes, and who could forget that I am on the verge of becoming a CAT MOM!

YAY! hahaha

I am actually pretty excited about getting a pet. I’ve never really been a fan of cats at all, but this one stole my heart! He is a Mexican cat, currently, he lives in Juarez, Chihuahua. He only understands Spanish right now but I am going to teach him English, of course. His name is Simba Amaru Tupac Verduzco and he is totally gangsta, that is why I fell in love with him. I heard that he roams the streets of Juarez and he likes to mean mug these two Pits that live up the street from him. ha ha They bark at him and he just stares at them like “What fools? Do somethin’!” I just love him so much and he hasn’t even moved in yet!

What else? Let’s see/// well I started Ubering and Lyfting again to make some easy money. Better than drug dealing, I suppose! hehe JK Ya’ll this blog post is really just a whack post, because I haven’t posted in a while and I just wanted to give y’all an update on my current status. Life is just good y’all!

I am not  talking to Obed again. Not for any particualr reason other than we are divorced and I just don’t want to be his “friend”. I don’t have any hard feelings against him and I will always wish him well no matter what, I just don’t feel the necessity to keep hanging on to something that is just no longer there. I mean, he was my husband – not just a random relationship that you can cut ties with and be friends.

We are divorced. Done. OVER. 

I don’t know why he insists on us being friends. It simply doesn’t help me completely heal my still present wound and I don’t see any benefit to it. I am proud of where I am and how far I have come in my healing journey, but a heartache is like any other wound…you can’t keep picking at it and expect it to heal. It takes proper care and recovery.

Obed will forever be a sweet memory in my life that helped me to learn some hard lessons, mature and grow in my faith, he just cannot continue to be present in my life. I am choosing to let him go— even more so now, than ever before. I have to look after myself, my heart and be diligent in my journey to move forward without him.

Regardless, right now, I am happy, I am living and I am exactly where I need to be and I wouldn’t change it for anything. How about y’all? How are y’all feeling?

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Single AF and Diggin’ It

Well, I have officially been divorced 1 whole entire year and 8 months to the day. I honestly can’t believe that I am only 4 months shy of being divorced for 2 whole years. It went by fast and let me tell you that I am proud of where I am. I can’t even remember the last time that I cried for Obed. Of course I still miss him on occasion and yes, we still talk from time to time, but most days, it is just me, myself and I!

I never knew how much I would enjoy being single post divorce. It is seriously amazing! I buy myself fresh flowers every week. Taking relaxing baths without interruption is life! I get the entire bed to myself on the nights I am not out sleeping on my balcony in a hammock and I don’t have to take anyone’s suggestions on dinner options. I just cook and eat what I want. Cooking for 1 – however, is still a challenge!

Life is grand y’all! There are so many exciting things happening in my life right now – like seriously! Being single has helped me come into this new appreciation for myself and what it means to be confident, bold and happy – like truly happy! Happiness, I’ve learned, is an inside job and I can now say, with certainty, that I am secure in who I am and what I want. I am super choose-y about who and what I will allow to occupy space, time and energy in my life. I only want the best – anything less than that, is simply not worth my precious time or energy.

I’ve spent so much of my time as a divorcée getting reacquainted with myself and with God. I have read countless self-help books and dug deep into the bible. I also make it a point to surround myself with family and friends that only speak life into my world. You know, people that lift me up and believe in all my goals, dreams and aspirations? That’s my tribe! It’s quite healthy and really helps me to look forward to what is yet to come.

Previously, I wrote about dating and being a little “playa-fo-life” but that just ain’t me, baby, it ain’t me! haha I had boo’s all over the world y’all! One of my besties even nicknamed me United Nations! hehe Dating is just not for me right now. I would rather focus on myself, crush my goals and let the next Prince Charming that is going to waltz into my life, sweep me off my feet – completely off guard! Doesn’t that just sound so pleasant? I imagine he is going to be pretty amazing to be able to handle me and all my wit, glory and sass! Do y’all even know how crazy it is going to be for me when I find a mate?

I feel like I loved Obed so much and I could never even fathom the idea of loving anyone else besides him. Now, however, things have changed. Sure, he still holds a piece of my heart, but my heart doesn’t bleed or yearn for him anymore. I am over it! ha No, not really, but I am healing and I have made a lot of progress. I still have so much love to give!

I have some really neat and important news to share soon, but I don’t want to give it all away in just one blog post (must spark curiosity and keep you coming back for more). I’ve got to build some suspense people! ha I hope everyone is doing well and life is treating you kind. I also hope you are receiving more peaches and cream rather than lemons. My wish for you, where ever you find yourself now, is that you would take a moment to appreciate the life you have, the people that are in it and the simplicity of the beauty that surrounds your every day life. If you search for goodness in your life, you will always find it. Be happy, be grateful, and be humble.

Appreciate what you have, the trials that have strengthened you and the love that you carry within. Don’t fret if you feel like you are alone in your suffering, whatever you might be going through. Rejoice and know that God is with you.

& ON THAT NOTE I WILL SAY: As-Salaam-Alaikum my friends! Virtual hugs, love y’all! XO

 

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In Waiting: We Find Peace

Eight (8) years – that is how long Obed and I would have been together this month, had we not gotten divorced. Our dating anniversary was July 23, 2009. Before, dates like this affected me so much. It made me so angry and upset. My heart would feel so heavy and sometimes it would bring me to tears. I’d allow an entire day be ruined by my double-mindedness. I would claim to have faith in God and trust in His plan for my life and my marriage, then I would contemplate over and over why or how we ended up divorced. A marriage I felt so strongly about and believed would be forever – now dissolved. It was heart-wrenching to go through, but looking back, I would not change my heartbreak or pruning for a “happily ever after”. I know God has that in my future.

One year and seven months later – I am stronger, wiser and more confident in who I am without Obed. As I have stated before, I don’t have anything negative to speak on in regards to my marriage or Obed as a human being. I will always regard him as a very special, unique and sweet person in my life. This does not mean that there were not any negative things about him – in fact, there were many. I just choose not to degrade him because regardless of my circumstance, I learned from him.

My short-lived 4 years of marriage helped make me into the person I am today. I learned so much about myself during my marriage and even more so after my divorce. I became a different person. I’ve learned to be a better listener, to be more compassionate, less judgmental and even how to fight fair. I understand now, that marriage is not about me. A husband is not responsible for making me feel happy or complete. Marriage is about honoring God. It is a covenant between two people to put Him first, while being selfless, drawing closer to God in unity with the person you have chosen to love, every. single. day. 

Love is a choice; it is not a feeling. Actually, it is more than just a choice, it is the intentional and unwavering decision to continue to love someone, despite their flaws. You know – like God loves us? Unconditionally.

That is how I tried to love Obed and sometimes I failed at it but I love and respect him enough to keep his flaws to myself. My mother always told me that a marriage is between 3 people: you, your partner and God. Everything else is not anyone else’s business.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I will share with you some of the lessons and not so glamorous moments in my marriage, because if it were all just rainbows and butterflies, I wouldn’t be blogging about my divorce. Obed wronged me. He betrayed me and hurt me. He absolutely was not a perfect mate, but neither was I. I was selfish. I didn’t always love him unconditionally. There are so many times that I can remember when I tore him down, instead of lifting him up. I was snide, disrespectful and I didn’t always honor him as my husband. He is guilty of the same. It’s bound to happen, when you get two imperfect people together. Regardless, however, I am grateful for my marriage and my divorce.

Y’all may or may not remember, but I posted a blog about blocking Obed, a while back. I felt like I needed to in order to sort things out within myself and “get over” him. However, that has since changed. He is unblocked, and we are now friends. It still kinda bothers me to regard him as such, because he was so much more than that to me, but it is what it is. We are friends.

I spent a lot of time, thinking of all the reasons why I should not be his friend. In fact, I’ve never been friends with an ex. I mean I don’t hate any of my exes. I would smile or say hi if I ever happened to run into them in public but with O, it is different. He was my husband. He was ONE with me and he is a scar on my heart that will remain there forever. Now if you are wondering why, I would keep in touch with him at this point, it is simply to share God’s love. One of the things that I remember so vividly about the demise of our marriage, is something Obed said about me to our marriage counselor. He told our counselor that because of me, he knows that God exists!

I don’t know about you, but that to me is pretty powerful. It means that I somehow impacted his life in a major way. It means that regardless of my imperfections, Obed saw God in me. Since my divorce, I have prayed and pleaded for God to show me if I need to let Obed go and this is what He has shown me:

I need to let go of the things over which I have no control. I need to let go of my feelings of fear, anger, resentment, uneasiness and judgment. It is not my place to understand God’s plan for my life, it is my place to trust Him. He has shown me that I can still love someone even when that love is not well received or reciprocated. He has replaced all those negative feelings with confidence, serenity, excitement, peace and acceptance. I know now, that I can be Obed’s friend and still love him from afar. It is ok for me to share God’s love with him and continue to be a light in his life. I don’t have to be constant, but I can be present. I can continue to pray for him and be a friend if he needs one.

I’ve let Obed go as my husband, but I have held on to hope that God will bring a new love into my life, when He is ready. One that will have many of the same qualities that I admired so much about Obed and even better ones, that I cannot even begin to imagine. Enough time has passed now, that I have let go of the idea of only loving Obed for the rest of my life. I have given myself permission to love someone else, and not feel like a failure because my marriage didn’t prosper. I understand now, that nothing I plan for my future will ever be prosperous, if God is not in it.

His plan will always prevail over mine, and that is where I want to lie down to rest and wait on God to fulfill His will for my life, whatever that may be.

 

 

 

 

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Letting Go & Letting God

Well…hello sweet friends! How are YOU today? I feel great, I am in a fantastic mood but I will admit, I was hoping I would have a blog post up the day after Independence Day but that didn’t happen. I promise I had every intention to, but life happens!

So today I want to blog about letting go and letting God direct your path. This is something that I have always had a bit of struggle with and maybe you can relate. I grew up being a believer and knowing of God and all His might! Maybe you did too. However, I feel that as a young believer, we cling to our faith by piggy-backing off of our parents faith. We believe because we are taught to. We believe because we have seen God’s good work through our church experience and we grow to love God. Yet, I truly believe that we do not really come to fully know God until we experience His grace and mercy in our lives. It is during our most darkest hours that we can experience God’s love and light in our own lives.

Or at least that has been true for me…

You see, in my healing journey post divorce, I have experienced a different kind of God than the one I grew up knowing. I mean, don’t get me wrong – like, I know God is real, has always been real and ever-so-present in my life to this very day.

BUT GOD — has revealed Himself to me in a entirely different and new way.

&

THANK GOD for that. FO REAL, fo real!!! I honestly do not know how anyone can go through any period or season of their life in hardship, without crying out and seeking God for help. A really close and sweet friend of mine said this one day in conversation (maybe not verbatim, but along these lines). Of course she was much more eloquent with her words, but it went something like this:

“The fact that we ask ‘why’ when we go through a difficult situation, is proof that God is real. Otherwise, why do we even bother to ask ‘why’? Or who are we asking? God exists, because we question the things that we do not understand…”

Isn’t that just beautiful and comforting? Even if you do not have a solid relationship with Christ, He still hears your prayers. He still searches your heart and He still delivers on His promises. He is your creator and He loves you, even right in the middle of your mess. If that doesn’t fill your heart with joy and comfort, I honestly don’t know what else would. We all want to feel happy, secure and loved in our lives and God can provide all of those things if you let Him. Before my divorce, I thought I needed a husband to feel happy, secure and loved, but even Obed could not do all of that for me. God did. He showed me that happiness was an inside job, that He was my security and that His love was the only love that could fill any void I had.

He also taught me how to love myself more and see myself through His eyes. God renewed my faith when I was hopeless, He mended me when I was broken and He gave me the strength that I needed to press forward, regardless of my circumstance. That being said, I want to ask you this:

Where do you find yourself right now? Are you in a valley you need to be rescued from? Do you feel anxious or uncertain about a decision you need to make? Or are you trying to control a situation that you do not have the power or authority over?

Whatever you answered or wherever you are right now in your life – maybe, just maybe, you need to muster up a little faith, let go and let God! He is in control of all things. Never forget it.

God is greater than the highs and lows. Trust.

 

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