In 10 days, I will be divorced two (2) whole years. Time has surely flown by. It has grown me, taught me and most of all healed me in many ways. They say that time heals all wounds – but I have to be honest and say that I am not sure that time truly does. I think God does.
Time allows for healing, but God – He is the real healer and deliverer.
I’ve been on quite the journey since Obed and I parted ways. In the 2 years we have been divorced, we have remained in contact for most of the time and although it likely doesn’t seem ideal to most, I don’t expect people to understand my story or my relationship with Obed. I haven’t seen him since we divorced but I know he is doing well. I don’t like to call him a friend, but he is one.
There have been times in my healing journey where I have struggled with whether or not I should even be in contact with him at all. My flesh says no – but my spirit says different. I’ve had numerous conversations with God about my relationship with Obed. Every time I am ready to cut ties completely, God tells me no.
I am called to be obedient and that is what I will do. Even if it doesn’t make sense to me or anyone else for that matter.
I know the logical answer to everyone is that I should not be in contact with my ex-husband. The deal is that there are some things that no one will ever understand about our marriage or divorce. I’ve often told you all before via blogging, how great great of a man Obed was and still is. It is not my place to speak ill of him. Was he always a stand up guy? No. He wasn’t. In fact, Obed hurt me in a lot of ways. He was dishonest, he didn’t take up for me in times when he should have, he put his work before his marriage, he made time for others when he didn’t make time for his own wife. I could go on and on, but all of that doesn’t matter.
What does matter is the fact that I experienced love and loss and it helped me gain strength and wisdom in so many areas of my life. I have stepped out in faith to pursue things that I had only ever dreamed of in the past. I began to look at my life very differently and came into an understanding of not just the areas that Obed failed as a husband and leader but also where I fell short. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Divorce is not, but you can still find beauty in the remnants of what is broken.
People always ask me if I am dating or if I am ready to be in a relationship again and to be honest, I would be lying if I said that I am ready to move on and make a life with someone. Right now, that is so far from my focus. The only relationship I want in my life at this moment is the relationship I have with Christ. I am still in a place of healing and transformation. God has been so faithful and so quick to pursue me. My happiness, my joy and my strength all come from Him.
Even after 2 years, there are times I still feel a little low, but I am not crying myself to sleep anymore. I am not wondering about what Obed is up to or if he is moving on. I try to keep my focus on what I do have rather than what I don’t. It helps to remain focused on God’s grace and how much He loves and cares for me. If I cry now, it is not because I am hurting, it is because I am healing! It is because, 2 years later, I can reflect back on my life and see how far God has brought me. His love remains and will never abandon me.
Marriage taught me a lot of wonderful things and I have some amazing memories, that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Divorce, despite being a negative thing, was the best worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Moving forward, I know now, that I am exactly where God needs me to be. I am still growing and learning from my past mistakes but most of all, I am making progress and healing a little more with each passing day. I am a different person now. Now, I can understand, why this divorce was for me and why it needed to happen. I needed God to rescue me and break my heart for what breaks His.
In the words of Beth Moore, “I am better off healed, than I ever was unbroken.”