Moving Forward

So, it’s been a few weeks since my last blog post and I apologize friends, so sorry. However, I am back and at it again! I’ve really missed blogging and sharing in my healing process. It has been a crazy little roller-coaster, but right now, I am having more ups than downs. I’ve been semi-dating, which is fine for now. I’ve had fun, to my surprise. I cannot commit to anything at the moment and I am honest with the guys I talk to about my availability. This way they can decide whether or not to continue the friendship or give me the boot. Others, I just cut off immediately, if I see no real potential. The latest date I went on, was really fun. We had a cool, chill dinner date and then did karaoke! It was a great time, I’ll definitely see him again.

In other news, I am doing quite well, emotionally. I spoke to the ex-esposo (ex-husband) recently regarding some pending unresolved matters, but now that we’ve moved past that, I did the inevitable and cut ties. In the thirteen months and sixteen days that we have officially been “unofficial” – we have never gone longer than three months without speaking to each other via text or phone calls. That may not seem like much, and really it isn’t but it is progress. Especially when you had a friendly divorce. We had some shared responsibilities that came with the dissolution of our marriage that made it impossible for us to cut ties completely but now that our final feat with the government is over…

I BLOCKED HIM!

On one hand, I was completely empowered by it and I am actually pretty proud of myself for it. I set the boundary and I am sticking by it. On the other hand, however, I will be honest and say that a piece of me is still grieving that loss of contact. To some of you, it may be silly or stupid, but to those of you that have loved and lost, you feel my pain. It is not easy to let go of things that no longer serve you well. Obed, in all his kindness and gentleness, no longer serves me.

Now, he is nothing but a memory. Maybe later, I will be brave enough to delete him from my contacts. Today, however, is not that day.

I still think of Obed. I miss him, I wonder about him, I wish him well but I will no longer look for him. I’ve decided that in order for me to move forward, I must do so without being attached to my feelings for him. I just want him to be happy, whatever that looks like for him.

Moving on is never easy, and I’m aware that it takes time. Tomorrow, I’ll still love him, but by Friday some of that love is sure to fade away. Or perhaps, I never will stop loving him. But maybe someday someone can walk into my life and make me forget his name…

 

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4 Comments

  1. This is a very relateable post. After 5 years I went through a similar situation and I still remember the power and freedom I felt when I finally told him that no, I don’t want to be friends and I see no reason to keep poking back into each other’s lives. 4 years later I am married to an amazing man, have a son, and all anxiety at the thought of his name has been gone for a long time.

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