Single AF and Diggin’ It

Well, I have officially been divorced 1 whole entire year and 8 months to the day. I honestly can’t believe that I am only 4 months shy of being divorced for 2 whole years. It went by fast and let me tell you that I am proud of where I am. I can’t even remember the last time that I cried for Obed. Of course I still miss him on occasion and yes, we still talk from time to time, but most days, it is just me, myself and I!

I never knew how much I would enjoy being single post divorce. It is seriously amazing! I buy myself fresh flowers every week. Taking relaxing baths without interruption is life! I get the entire bed to myself on the nights I am not out sleeping on my balcony in a hammock and I don’t have to take anyone’s suggestions on dinner options. I just cook and eat what I want. Cooking for 1 – however, is still a challenge!

Life is grand y’all! There are so many exciting things happening in my life right now – like seriously! Being single has helped me come into this new appreciation for myself and what it means to be confident, bold and happy – like truly happy! Happiness, I’ve learned, is an inside job and I can now say, with certainty, that I am secure in who I am and what I want. I am super choose-y about who and what I will allow to occupy space, time and energy in my life. I only want the best – anything less than that, is simply not worth my precious time or energy.

I’ve spent so much of my time as a divorcée getting reacquainted with myself and with God. I have read countless self-help books and dug deep into the bible. I also make it a point to surround myself with family and friends that only speak life into my world. You know, people that lift me up and believe in all my goals, dreams and aspirations? That’s my tribe! It’s quite healthy and really helps me to look forward to what is yet to come.

Previously, I wrote about dating and being a little “playa-fo-life” but that just ain’t me, baby, it ain’t me! haha I had boo’s all over the world y’all! One of my besties even nicknamed me United Nations! hehe Dating is just not for me right now. I would rather focus on myself, crush my goals and let the next Prince Charming that is going to waltz into my life, sweep me off my feet – completely off guard! Doesn’t that just sound so pleasant? I imagine he is going to be pretty amazing to be able to handle me and all my wit, glory and sass! Do y’all even know how crazy it is going to be for me when I find a mate?

I feel like I loved Obed so much and I could never even fathom the idea of loving anyone else besides him. Now, however, things have changed. Sure, he still holds a piece of my heart, but my heart doesn’t bleed or yearn for him anymore. I am over it! ha No, not really, but I am healing and I have made a lot of progress. I still have so much love to give!

I have some really neat and important news to share soon, but I don’t want to give it all away in just one blog post (must spark curiosity and keep you coming back for more). I’ve got to build some suspense people! ha I hope everyone is doing well and life is treating you kind. I also hope you are receiving more peaches and cream rather than lemons. My wish for you, where ever you find yourself now, is that you would take a moment to appreciate the life you have, the people that are in it and the simplicity of the beauty that surrounds your every day life. If you search for goodness in your life, you will always find it. Be happy, be grateful, and be humble.

Appreciate what you have, the trials that have strengthened you and the love that you carry within. Don’t fret if you feel like you are alone in your suffering, whatever you might be going through. Rejoice and know that God is with you.

& ON THAT NOTE I WILL SAY: As-Salaam-Alaikum my friends! Virtual hugs, love y’all! XO

 

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Serendipity

I’ve always heard that “love happens” and sure enough, it always happens when you least expect it. As previously stated, I wasn’t looking for love when I met my now ex-husband, Chef Obi-Wan. For me, Obed will always hold a special place in my heart. He is the only man that I have ever truly loved. Before him, I had only exclusively dated 2 other guys. Shortly after meeting and dating Obed, I realized that he was my lobster. I understood then, why it simply never worked out with the other guys before him. I believe that we will experience love many times in our lives, but I also believe that when you experience “true love”, it is a love so deep that you feel it to the depth of your being. A love so strong, so penetrating that you sense each other in each others absence.

I am talking about a love that stays with you for a lifetime and is not so easily forgotten. Now, I know when you read these words on my blog, you understand that I obviously still love Obed. As I have stated before, I consider him the love of my life. It doesn’t mean that he never wronged me, or that he was a perfect mate but you will never hear me speak ill of him. I will share some of our not-so-perfect moments, as time goes on.

Tonight, however, on this particularly cozy and gloomy night – I want to share how serendipitous our “meet cute” really was. You see, I am also a believer in everything happening for a reason and predestination. I believe that people come into our lives with a purpose, a lesson and sometimes, just for a season. We never really see the lesson or the purpose behind these occurrences, until life reveals it to us, ever so gently. I guess you could call these occurrences, “Aha!” moments. Surely, you remember the blog about our “meet cute” moment, right? The one where I walked into a cafe, Obed and I lock eyes, meet for the very first time and fall madly in love? Well, that restaurant,  Hook, Line and Sinker is the exact place that I had my very first date with my ex-boyfriend. The guy I dated right before Obed. Isn’t that something?

So if I had never dated this guy, I would have likely never known about this restaurant. In fact, when Obed and I met, he had already been working there for about 2 years. All of the guys there knew who I was, and when Obed and I became exclusive, they all wondered how he had never noticed me before. I believe it was all in God’s timing. We met at the exact, predestined moment and we came in to each others lives when neither of us were looking for love.

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Butterflies & Heart Races

When I initially met Obed, I had no desire to date or even consider finding a mate. As Queen Bey says, I was “focused on my focus!” That “focus” was me, in an effort to better myself and prepare to jump start my career. I would go on occasional dates, but they were never anything serious. I actually had several men-friends or “babes”, as I always liked to call them. They were the ones I could call to fill up my gas tank or take me to nice dinners, when I felt like having company. Between school, partying and sometimes teaching DWI Intervention classes for some cash flow, I didn’t have time for a relationship. I loved my freedom and I enjoyed my singleness.

However, after I accepted to be O’s girlfriend that night, everything changed.

I cut off all my “babes” and dedicated all my free time to this very handsome, interesting, and super sweet Latin lover!

Obed w307433_1957631582010_2604704_n-1as like no one I had ever met before. He was such a hopeless romantic. He was very frank and a great communicator. I loved how educated and smart he was. Obed captivated me with his intelligent mind and creativeness. He was handsome, nerdy, and such a sweetheart.

We weren’t spending a lot of time together, but we talked and texted every single day. We spent every day that he was off together, if my schedule allowed for it. Dating him was so much fun and I was always in for a sweet surprise with him. I remember the first time he ever bought me a piece of jewelry, he sent me on a scavenger hunt to find it. It was a cute silver necklace with a little butterfly pendant. Along with that, was a love letter and poem, written just for me.  Obed always made me feel special and loved. In fact, he told me very early on in our relationship that he loved me and his actions definitely spoke louder than his words. I never had a man treat me the way he did.

Obed respected me – all of me: mind, body and soul. I feel like Obed contributed so much to my growth as a woman, a leader and as his partner. He would encourage me, when I needed it. He was a great listener, he always inspired me and when he got close to me, my heart raced. I was awestruck by him and shortly after becoming an item, it wasn’t hard to fall in love with him.

Every time I spoke of him, I got butterflies in my stomach.

To this day, I will always believe that our love story is one of the greatest. Sure, it doesn’t end with a “Happily Ever After…” but he set the bar high for the next gentleman that walks into my life. Divorce teaches you many things. Especially in the areas where you fell short, but the lesson is the reward in all of your suffering. & if nothing else, I can say that I can move forward, knowing I experienced real love in my life.

 

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Summer Lovin’

After our first date, Obed and I became a hot item, very quickly. Things happened faster than a New York second! We spent all of our free time together, and even then, it was never enough. You see, since I have known Obed, time was always against us. His work hours were always crazy. He was off one day a week, sometimes twice, if he got lucky. I was going to school full time and looking for the perfect paralegal job. I always refer to our courtship as our “Summer of Love”. 298223_1957673543059_1245175_nWe met mid-June, a few weeks later we started chatting and texting. He proved to me that chivalry was not dead and he was the absolute sweetest man ever.

Obed was quite the gentleman. He opened doors for me, made sure I was always walking on the inside of the sidewalk, and he paid attention to every detail. He knew exactly what I was wearing the very first day we met, how I had my hair fixed and even the color of my nails. Dating him was so different than any other guy I had ever dated. There was something so refreshing about him. He made falling in love so easy. Every day we spent together was magical. Some days we would go for a walk in the park, other days we’d spend hours hanging out at his pool, swimming and grilling. We would go grocery shopping and cook dinner together. Of course, he mostly did the cooking and I would help with the dishes.

So finally one night, after dinner and a movie, we were hanging out on his sofa, talking. Then, suddenly, we had our first kiss ever. It was such a sweet moment, but was interrupted by Obed pushing me away, looking me straight in the eyes and saying to me, “Mira, tu me encantas,” (Look, I adore you) “but I don’t want to be hugging you, kissing you, touching you…I don’t want to do anything like that with you, unless you are going to be my woman…” I didn’t understand what the hell had just happened. We were in the middle of a moment and he completely ruined it. Then he continues to plead his case.

“I know you don’t want a relationship, but if you just let me love you…I promise, you won’t regret it.”

Before I had a chance to even respond, he looks up at the clock and says, “I will give you some time to think about it, but if in 2 months, maybe even 4 months, you don’t know that you want to be my woman, then we can just be friends.” Still, I had no idea what was actually happening. Then he says “It’s getting late and I am sure your parents are waiting on you, so you should probably go ahead and head home.” & then he sent me on my merry way…

The whole way home, I thought about what had just transpired. I thought “this guy is crazy…who wouldn’t want a relationship with no strings attached?” At the time, I had been single for a while. My previous break up was hard on me and I just knew I would be single forever. Dating was the least of my concerns. That night, however, Obed changed that for me. Immediately when I got home, I called him to let him know I made it home safely. I also called to let him know, that I would accept his proposal to be his woman. This was on July 23, 2009, just one month after, that one fine summer day when we first met.

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