- compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority.sac·ri·fice
- an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.
I wanted to start this blog off with the definitions of obedience and sacrifice in order to tell y’all a little story about my life. Currently, I am exactly 2 years and 6 months to date into this whole divorce thing. You may even be wondering why I am still blogging about this, huh? Well…lessons, that’s why.
This blog is dedicated to my healing journey. It has been my refuge and way to make sense of what exactly happened in my marriage and help encourage you or even save your marriage. I am no marriage expert, but I do know now, what it takes to have a healthy marriage.
Initially, I named my blog “Marriage à la Carte” because I was married to a chef. I thought it was cute, and I wanted to talk about all the things you have to bring into the marriage to make it successful – you know? À la carte!
Marriage is like preparing for a 3 course meal. You have this idea in your mind of what it will be like, a vision. You’ve got to bring things to the table. You make a meal plan, you get the ingredients and you give it a whirl!
I’ve learned that marriage is made up of many parts. We don’t always get what we put in, but we still have to pour something into the pot. Love, respect, honor, patience, trust, humility, forgiveness, honesty and faithfulness are all things you need in marriage, but it doesn’t always come with it. You have to bring that into the marriage.
Marriage is an empty pot. An excellent meal doesn’t just come together because you have all the ingredients. You have to add the ingredients to the dish you are preparing, at the right time, at the right temperatures, in a specific order so that the dish you have in mind, comes together tastefully. The same is true in marriage.
Love doesn’t automatically make your marriage successful. Neither does respect, honor, patience, trust, humility, forgiveness, honesty and faithfulness. What makes your marriage successful is knowing when to show your partner love, learning what it means to respect their boundaries and their person. Honoring them when they don’t even necessarily deserve it. Learning to be patient with them and trusting they will do the same with you. Humbling yourself before them and most importantly before God. Forgiving them 70 times 7. Being honest and faithful to your partner at all times and combining all these things together, is what makes the perfect recipe for a successful marriage.
How does obedience and sacrifice tie into all this? Well, lemme esplain!
It took me divorcing Obed to learn about “Obedience”. It still makes me chuckle! God has a sense of humor. It may be the biggest lesson I’ve learned from my divorce. Obedience to God and obedience to my husband. It becomes greater than sacrifice, because it proves that we are able to be submissive to God’s calling on our lives, and submissive to the authority that God gave man over his wife.
Obedience is the highest form of flattery and worship to the Lord.
Sacrifice is great and important too, but when it goes up against obedience, it loses it’s power. Another important lesson for my own life. I think about how much I prayed for my marriage to be saved and how strongly I believed that God would save it. When He didn’t, I was angry and thought about the sacrifices I was making to “gain” that which I really wanted in my life: my marriage.
All the while, God revealed to me that the sacrifice I actually needed to make was giving up my marriage in order to pursue Him. Was my relationship with God not more important than my relationship with my husband? So I let it go. I gave it up. I even stopped praying for it entirely.
Now, I am actively pursuing God’s will for my life. Obed is no longer an active part of my life. He is a friend, someone I still love and admire for many reasons, but he isn’t my focus. For a long time, I wanted so badly to preserve my relationship with him in hopes of us reconciling, but now I only want to reconcile myself to God, every single day.
The rest lies in His hands and I am willing to wait upon the Lord, whatever that looks like for my life.